Q. Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
A. He's all right now.

Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.

Q. Where do you find a no legged dog?
A. Right where you left him.

Q. Where do you get virgin wool from?
A. Ugly sheep.

Q. How do you double the value of a Geo Metro?
A. Fill it with gas.

Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

You should always give 100% at work...
12% Monday; 23% Tuesday; 40% Wednesday; 20% Thursday; 5% Friday

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.

Q. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
A. The taste!

Q. What does a skeleton get when he goes to a bar?
A. A beer and a mop.

Q. What's a hindu?
A. Lays eggs.

Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A. The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Q. What is Osama bin Laden's idea of safe sex?
A. Marking the camels that kick.

Q. How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, let the bitch cook in the dark.

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
A. A computer only needs the information punched into it once.

Q. Why are women like condoms?
A. They spend 90% of their time in your wallet, and 10% on your dick.

Q. Who is the poorest guy in West Virginia?
A. The Tooth Fairy

Q. Did you hear about the guy who's a dyslexic-bulimic?
A. He eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass.

Q. What do your boss and a slinky have in common?
A. They're both fun to watch tumble down the stairs.