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Three nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes
because of the heat. Not an unusual habit on a hot day. So about
a half hour later, the door bell rings while their robes are
slumped over pews clear across the huge chapel.
They ask who it is. "The blind man," a voice replies.
The three nuns decide to simply open the door because the man is
blind. He walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice tits!
Where do you want me to install these blinds?"
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Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter
asks the first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a
man's penis," she said. "Put some of this holy water on your
eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her. Peter then asked
the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held a
man's penis," she replied. "Put your hand in this holy water and
you may enter heaven," he said. Just then the fourth nun pushed
ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her, "Why did you push ahead
in line?" She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in
it!"
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A woman had two female parrots who were always yelling, "We're
prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?" One day, she was talking
to her Preacher about this. He said he had two male parrots and
all they did was read the Bible. He thought perhaps they would
be a good influence on the two females. So they put the four
parrots together. So, the females yelled at the male parrots,
"We're prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?" One male parrot
said to the other, "Put the Bibles away! We've made it to
heaven!"
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Two nuns cycling down a cobbled street. The first one says "I've
never come this way before"; the second one replies "Must be the
cobbles"
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Why don't Baptist's
have sex standing up?
Somebody might think they're dancing.
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The head priest at a certain church was out for the day, so he
asked the deacon to do confession for him. The deacon agrees,
and the first person that comes says, "Forgive me, for I just
gave a guy a blow job." He says, "You have sinned."
Then he looks at the sheet on the wall that had punishments for
certain sins on it, but blow job was not on there, so he went
out to ask one of the altar boys what he usually gives for a
blow job. The altar boy answered, "Oh, about five dollars."
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One day a nun got into a cab. The cab driver, noticing she was a
nun, and asked her if she would ever have sex. After she had
thought about it for a while she said "Well, yeah I would have
sex with a man if he had never been married, did not have any
kids and went to church every Sunday." So the cab driver said
"What do you know, I don't have any kids, never been married and
I go to church every Sunday!" So he asked her if she would have
sex with him and she agreed as long as he would take her from
behind. So they had sex and afterward the cab driver said "Ha
ha, I have six kids, I've been married three times and I've
never been to church a day in my life!!" And the nun pulled off
her mask and said "Ha ha, I'm a man going to a costume party!"
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The preacher's wife was making Sunday dinner, when the preacher
walked in the house and says "that ham smells wonderful." His
wife replies "That's a Dam-Ham." The preacher was surprised by
his wife's use of profanity. She showed him the wrapper and
explained that was the brand name of the ham. They sat down for
dinner and the preacher says to his son, "Son, pass me the
dam-ham." and his son replies, "that's the spirit, Pop, now pass
me the fucking potatoes"
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